This information is designed to help terminally ill patients and their loved ones prepare for the eventuality of death.
This information also will help in organizing personal affairs and learning about the process of grieving and dying to help ease any fears and enhance the ability to cope.
The Grieving Process
Grief is an emotional, physical, social, intellectual, and spiritual reaction to loss. It often begins after receiving the diagnosis of a terminal illness.
Knowing common grief reactions may help you to understand that your intense feelings are normal and purposeful. Generalized patterns are predictable, but personal experiences are unique with no absolulte formulas or timetables.
Shock and Denial
- inability to accept reality
- shock, denial, disbelief
- impaired decision making
- lack of concentration and confusion
Anger
- partial acceptance of reality
- may blame others
- impatient, irritable, resentful
- sleep disturbances
- may bargain with God
Depression
- dying is finally acknowledged
- deep sadness and depression
- sense of guilt or yearning
- social withdraw and neglect of self
- weight and appetite changes
- exhaustion
Acceptance
- acceptance that death is imminent
- the process of healing begins
- completion of unfinished business
- reestablish eating and sleeping patterns
- resolution
What to Do
Locate and gather or create the following information and documents:
- Advance directives: living wills
- Durable power of attorney for health care decisions
- General durable power of attorney
- Wills or living trust documents
- Insurance policies
- Birth and marriage certificates
- Real estate deeds
- Bank accounts and investments
- Stocks, bonds, mutual funds, etc.
- Social Security benefits
- Military benefits
- Employee benefits or pension plan
- Burial plans
- Tax returns
- List of property or assets
- Liabilities (Mortgages, loans, etc.)
- List of family, friends and significant people (mnister, employer, etc.)
- Designate a family spokesperson to be the primary contact for the physician and other medical staff.
What to Expect During the Final Stages of Dying
Physical Changes:
- Coolness of extremities
- Sleeping more frequently
- Incontinence
- Lung congestion
- Restlessness
- Decrease in appetite or thirst
- Irregular breathing
- Deep sleep or coma
- Physical systems cease to function
Emotional Changes:
- Engaging in life review
- Resolution of conflicts
- Completing unfinished business
- Forgiving self and others
- A need to receive permission from loved ones to "let go"
- Decreased socialization
- Disorientation or hallucinations
- Unresponsiveness
Comfort the Dying Person By:
- Providing emotional support
- Helping to resolve any unfinished business or conflicts
- Saying "I love you"
- Reminiscing together
- Showing physical affection
- Offering spiritual support
How to Cope
Acknowledge and accept intense feelings as a normal reaction to an abnormal situation
Give yourself permission to cry and express your feelings
Seek and accept support (hospital social worker, minister, friends, family, etc.)
Take care of yourself. Get enough sleep and eat well.
Pace yourself and be patient
Keep a journal, write a poem, or listen to music
Learn about death and dying
Have faith in yourself and trust that you will heal
Take one day at a time
Meditate or pray
Discuss your concerns with the hospital social worker
Produced by Florence Long with funding from the Kitagawa Family